The nightmare

A dear friend who is like a sister has had the unfortunate experience of the death of a child. My hope that in reading this you may find comfort. You asked a question last night that I do not have an answer to. When will the nightmare end? What I do know for me, I had to choose to keep depending on God and his word, each day to live and not be defeated, and to be whole again. As I did over time, it happened. Even when it seemed that it wouldn’t, slowly but surely things moved forward,  it did. It was not as bad at the end of the first year but was not over. In different ways, the 2nd year was better, in others harder. No need to fear because all that you are experiencing is normal. The devil wants you to think this is your new life, he is a liar. All the confusion, lack of concentration, etc…NORMAL! That may be troubling but it is. You see ____, I am a nurse, I had dealt with death in ways others haven’t so I thought I was going to do the same with my son. I was also the fixer, the decision maker..the “strong” one….but this one was out of my control. I had to determine, choose, to get through, …trust and believe , literally eat God’s word, but in doing so He showed me things about myself, life and him that otherwise I would have never known. Do I wish that it could have been done another way, yes. But that was not God’s plan. Every since the original sin death has been a reality. For reason unknown to me, God allows a when and a how for all of us. Some longer than others. He does not see death like we do because he is, and knows eternity. He let me know early on one day in my despair, and why that he did not wake up and discover Reggie was dead, he already knew before I conceived him the day! If I could accept that fact and that even though,  he loved me and would see me through. He took me to Ecclesiates 3:1. I think that once my heart accepted this my road got easier. Note, I said easier. Remember my son laid dead at the hands of my husband. My first born. It was me and him before me and them. If God could get me through, my children…all I know is he will you too. Timeframe is in his hands…but in his love.  He is the same yesterday today and forevermore. He has a word specifically for you. Keep listening, read, and “eating” it and he will show you and carry you through. I know this is long but one last story. One day I was drowning low, but that night God allowed sleep. During that night whether my son or an angel, I felt a touch, and it let me know audibly my son was ok. I say it was my son because that is what I felt..but most of all it was the comfort of God. Trust Him and choose to when it does not seem u can..do the next right thing.