Thanksgiving

The day has come and gone this year but that year, that first year was darkness and fog. The pain of it, the thought of it was still so present. Thank God for Trish our, counselor, The Warm place, and I don’t have his permission to share so I will say Dr. J. These would be the human representatives that God would place in our lives..also His (God’s) word.

Early on, I thought that I would be able to put a timeframe on this pain, this darkness. After all, I was a nurse, I know how to handle “emotions”, put them in that place that I had so many times before…but this would not go there. This would be one day one time that I had to do time and time again..as Trish had laid the thought, the vision to imagine myself in the arms of Jesus, and Him holding and taking care of me. I had bold proclaimed When Dr. J informed us that this type of grief takes years to find its place, and what the consequences of this could be for my children, I am not doing this for years nor will my family be destroyed. But on this Thanksgiving, the 1st less than a year later I was still…

Ask me about that first Thanksgiving…. we made it through, and it is still a blur. I cannot recall how and even in my journaling, I did not record. I do know by this time, I was no longer awaken every morning at that time.. the time when for me it was final. The time for me that the world stood still…he was after organ donation declared deceased! I say awaken with a sense of accomplishment because before awaken came, there was the sleeplessness!….Now that is another story for another time!

So for those of you reading this I pray that even though what I have written seems hopeless, I hope that you will if you are in that blur, that pain, I say to you hang in Joy does come! zerotohero